Pervert Policy

me and mom

See that? That’s a picture of me and my mom when I was a wee little lass. Aren’t I cute? If you look close enough, you can see that I’m actually somebody’s daughter.

I’m also somebody’s kid sister.

me and fran

Please keep that in mind if your intensions are not pure and you’re planning on taking advantage of this wee little runt or any of our therapists.

Pervert Policy #1 – I will NOT answer calls from blocked phone numbers.  You can leave me a message with your name and number so I can call you back.  This is my first line of defense since perv’s typically don’t leave numbers.

Pervert Policy #2 – If you do get me on the phone, questions about draping is a RED FLAG that you are a perv.  I don’t and will NEVER drape using towels (it’s against CT law). I use sheets and only sheets.  Haranguing me about this only amplifies your pervertedness and you will get hit with snarky remarks because I can do that. I’m the business owner.  Also asking me what kind of lotions or oils I use, I found to be an indicator of perversion also . Why this is?  I have no idea.

Pervert Policy #3 – I can refuse service to ANYONE at any time before or during the massage without giving an explanation.  If you want an explanation, please refer to my Pervert Policy.

These policies are enacted as a way to preserve the sweet innocence of the child pictured above and below.

cute lil me

UPDATE:  I posted this page in response to several clients seeking a different kind of therapist.  It’s an emotionally charged retaliation coming from a professional feeling that she has been disrespected.

This has absolutely NOTHING to do with my wonderful existing clients or would/be wonderful clients.  I don’t want to scare or intimidate potential clients or confuse my existing one’s.  There is a clear defined line between innocent remarks and behavior, and that of the other. I know the difference, so don’t worry – you’re in the clear with me!

If I feel a line has been crossed, trust me, you’d know!  So please relax and don’t stress about thinking that this policy pertains to you – it doesn’t.

This page may not seem professional, but perversion often does not respond to or understand professional disclaimers hidden in fine print.  So out of shear frustration, I’m laying it flat out.

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